Subliminal Messages Blog

By Michael Webb

Did you know that people who try to spice up their lovemaking, often make their experiences LESS fulfilling? It’s true.

Over the years, I’ve seen couples make the same mistakes over and over again, when trying to improve their love lives, and I’d like to teach you how to overcome and avoid these problems.

Here are the 7 lovemaking mistakes. Are you making them?

MISTAKE #1: Feeling scared or embarrassed to talk about trying new things

Have you ever had an idea to spice up your lovemaking but were afraid of what your partner may think?

Believe it or not, in 90% of cases, your partner would LOVE to try something new, too, but they’re just as uncomfortable or embarrassed about bringing it up as you are.

And you don’t need to introduce whips, chains or a third person. That’s nonsense! There are hundreds of ways to bring variety to your passionate play that aren’t crude or dangerous and that your partner is sure to be comfortable with.

MISTAKE #2: Trying to convince the partner to make love

If your lover is tired or not in the mood for sex, trying to convince or persuade them to have sex almost NEVER works.

On the other hand, when a person is sexually aroused, their body releases the chemical ‘adrenaline’ into the bloodstream. This chemical is what gives you the energy to make love. So here’s how to arouse them the right way. Yes, even if they’re tired.

Ladies: Want to get him in the mood? Give him fellatio or manually stroke him between 9 ­ 10 in the morning. This is when his testosterone levels are highest for the day. For better results, also wear something sexy or nothing at all. He’ll like that.

Lads: Deep passionate kisses are one of the biggest ‘turn-ons’ for women. Looking in her eyes and touching her face while kissing her can really increase arousal, too. And give some attention to her neck­­it will drive her wild. But don’t rush this! Spend quality time building up her arousal with your sensual kisses.

MISTAKE #3: Neglecting foreplay to enjoy intercourse sooner

People in a relationship (especially men) tend to neglect foreplay so they can begin to enjoy intercourse sooner, but did you know that foreplay is actually said to intensify orgasms?

That’s right. If you kiss, caress and touch longer, you can make your lovemaking even more satisfying.

So SLOW DOWN. Take your time. If you want to make it even better, tease your partner in a playful way. (This works like crazy.)

If you find something that they really enjoy, stop doing it, move back, and then do it again later.

The more you pull back and push forward, the more they’ll want it. And the more intense their experience will be. There are many games you can play to heighten this anticipation, too.

MISTAKE #4: Using toys or porn to make your lovemaking better

When sex hits a rough patch, many couples (men especially) think that a video, some plastic or vibrating thingy will instantly takes things through the roof.

Wrong!… While toys can certainly have their place in your lovemaking repertoire, relying on them can be extremely dangerous. These outside sources of pleasure can quickly make lovemaking even less fulfilling.

Why? Because you don’t want your partner to end up looking forward to their plastic toy for pleasure more than they look forward to pleasure with you, do you? Couples need to first fully discover how to please all their spouses’ body parts before introducing other elements. Use them as a spice, not the main course.

MISTAKE #5: Trying to make the woman orgasm ONLY from intercourse

Men often feel “unmanly” if they can’t satisfy their woman from intercourse. But what they need to understand is that a large number of women can’t achieve orgasm through normal lovemaking.

Just knowing this takes the pressure off men completely. Now there’s no need to get upset when their women don’t reach orgasm. Instead, men should master the art of cunnilingus (going down on a woman).

MISTAKE #6: Trying to “finish” at the same time

Simultaneous orgasms are quite overrated. Instead of aiming for one orgasm that you share together, focus completely on the woman’s needs first.

Hold off from the positions you find most enjoyable and instead make love in ways that are most pleasurable for your lady, until she is completely satisfied. That way you have a much greater chance of both climaxing.

MISTAKE #7: Sticking to a “set routine” too often

You know the drill. You take your clothes off, insert part A into part B, and, within a few minutes, the routine is over. Sound familiar?

No matter how fantastic lovemaking can be, there’s no denying it can get boring over the years. And the reason is because lovemaking in its basic act is always the same. But the danger is letting it get “too routine,” which can begin to affect your relationship.

The BEST WAY to protect your love life and precious connection with your partner is to have lots of new lovemaking ideas ready at your disposal.

That’s the secret.

In fact, when you have an abundance of NEW tips and techniques ready, you’ll enjoy more hot, steamy and passionate lovemaking, discover newfound enthusiasm to make love and even make love more often.

About the Author:

Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the author of 500 Lovemaking Tips, a book full of ways to spice up your lovemaking, adding more passion, pleasure and intimacy to your experience. To read more, visit this site.

By Michael Webb

Is there such thing as “the best” lovemaking position?

Actually there is!

However, the best positions for men and women are different. Also, did you know that by moving even one inch in any direction while in these positions, you can dramatically change the feeling and intensity of a position?

Take your time to find the best angles for the both of you, while using these positions.

The Best Position For Women To Climax

The reverse missionary is identical to the traditional missionary except that she is on top.

This is probably the easiest position for a woman to climax because she can control the friction to her clitoris and/or G-spot.

Since you typically want the women to orgasm first, this would be one of your first positions and then move to a position where the guy has full control for his orgasm.

You can vary your leg positions by both of you spreading your legs, or by alternating the one who has them spread and the one who has them together.

The Best Position For Men To Orgasm

Practically every animal species utilizes the rear-entry “doggy-style” position, so it is a natural one for humans to enjoy, as well. Although you won’t have face-to-face contact, there are many benefits. It is great for guys because it gives them full control.

This is one of the best positions for hitting her G-spot and allows you to fondle her breasts, stomach, clitoris, back, neck and other sensual spots. Even she can touch her clitoris in this position.

She kneels before you (some women enjoy it more if their head is down on a pillow) and you enter her from behind.

The main benefit for the guy is a view of her beautiful bottom and being able to see the action, while getting incredibly deep penetration (above-average guys need to be careful as deep thrusts might hit her cervix, which can be quite painful).

The Mistake Couples Make Using Lovemaking Positions

Of course, books show dozens, if not hundreds, of sexual positions, but the reality is that there are maybe only eight basic positions, with slight variations for each.

So what happens when you’ve tried all eight positions to death? Let’s face it­­in the end, lovemaking is generally always the same.

That’s why you should explore ALL aspects of sexuality about each other. I don’t mean anything freaky here. I just mean cultivate an adventurous spirit. Turn foreplay into a game. Add a prop or two.

Try a new place. How about starting off with a plate of fruits? There are literally HUNDREDS of ways you can make your lovemaking more exciting, passionate and fulfilling long-term, rather than just trying new positions.

About the Author:

Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the author of 500 Lovemaking Tips, a book full of ways to spice up your lovemaking, adding more passion, pleasure and intimacy to your experience.

By Michael Webb

Did you know that women can have several different types of orgasms? That’s right.

Of course, it’s no surprise that the “holy grail” of all the female orgasms is achieved with the G-spot.

But finding it and knowing how to pleasure her G-spot is the hard part! Here’s an A-to-Z on everything you need to know…

1. How to find the G-spot

First of all, the G-spot is actually a zone, rather than an actual ‘spot.’ The G-spot is located about 2 inches inside the vagina on the topside. (On the underside of her stomach.)

You’ll know when you’ve found it because it feels like a ribbed bump, like the roof of your mouth just behind your front teeth.

2. How should you stimulate it?

While most men would love to satisfy their ladies with intercourse, it’s not always the best idea.

Why?

Because it depends on factors like the position, her level of arousal, and penis and vaginal shape and size. In short: using fingers is the easiest way to reach orgasm with the most chance of success.

3. Important: Before stimulating the G-spot

In most cases, women need to have their clitoris stimulated before stimulating the G-spot. But once it’s fully stimulated, the clitoris is often too sensitive for direct contact. Ask your lady.

Otherwise, the G-spot may feel dry and uncomfortable. After this point, you can move onto the G-spot.

4. The best positions to stimulate the G-spot

To really stimulate the G-spot, you’ll need to be in a position that gives you great easy access to work your magic. Here are two suggestions: 1) Your lady lies on her back while you lie next to her, using your stronger arm. 2) She sits in doggie-style position, while you sit and pleasure her from behind. Actually, if you want even more passion and excitement, try changing from one position to another over the course of your stimulation. Now let’s talk about how you should pleasure it.

5. How to stimulate the G-spot with this technique

The motion you want to use is the “come over here” gesture, using your fingers. Keep in mind that the

G-spot is different from the clitoris, which means, in most cases, you’ll stroke it slightly harder than the clitoris. Start by massaging it lightly and work your way up to a point she finds incredibly satisfying.

6. How to tell if she’s enjoying it

First of all, remember that the best feeling will vary for every woman. Alternate between two very slight movements or spots to find what she likes best. You’ll know what she likes by her breathing or when she firmly grips you. Having said all that, there is a way to make this experience even MORE pleasurable.

7. The missing piece to a powerful orgasm

Did you know that prolonged foreplay is said to intensify orgasms? That’s right.  However, men often focus so much on “performing” that they forget about spicing up their lovemaking with new and exciting things. Let’s face it; most of us are guilty of this. You take your clothes off. Away you go, and, within a few seconds or minutes, the routine is over. But as the bedroom magic fades, it becomes harder and harder to make woman achieve orgasms. Why? Because women long for variety in their sexual experience. The very best way to please women long-term is to have an entire ‘bag of ideas’ ready to pull out whenever they’re needed. I cannot stress the need to keep your lovemaking fresh and exciting in every way. That’s the secret to fulfilled lovemaking.

About the Author:

Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the author of 500 Lovemaking Tips, a book full of ways to spice up your lovemaking, adding more passion, pleasure and intimacy to your experience.

Evidence That Little Touches Do Mean So Much

 Psychologists have long studied the grunts and winks of nonverbal communication, the vocal tones and facial expressions that carry emotion. A warm tone of voice, a hostile stare — both have the same meaning in Terre Haute or Timbuktu, and are among dozens of signals that form a universal human vocabulary. Skip to next paragraph Enlarge This Image Clockwise from top left: Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images; Mark Avery/Reuters; Vivek Prakash/Reuters Charles; Dharapak/Associated Press YOU FEEL ME A quick hug, fist pound, high five or belly bump can communicate a wide range of emotions, sometimes more accurately than words. Related More Mind ColumnsBut in recent years some researchers have begun to focus on a different, often more subtle kind of wordless communication: physical contact. Momentary touches, they say — whether an exuberant high five, a warm hand on the shoulder, or a creepy touch to the arm — can communicate an even wider range of emotion than gestures or expressions, and sometimes do so more quickly and accurately than words. “It is the first language we learn,” said Dacher Keltner, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, and the author of “Born to Be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life” (Norton, 2009), and remains, he said, “our richest means of emotional expression” throughout life. The evidence that such messages can lead to clear, almost immediate changes in how people think and behave is accumulating fast. Students who received a supportive touch on the back or arm from a teacher were nearly twice as likely to volunteer in class as those who did not, studies have found. A sympathetic touch from a doctor leaves people with the impression that the visit lasted twice as long, compared with estimates from people who were untouched. Research by Tiffany Field of the Touch Research Institute in Miami has found that a massage from a loved one can not only ease pain but also soothe depression and strengthen a relationship. In a series of experiments led by Matthew Hertenstein, a psychologist at DePauw University in Indiana, volunteers tried to communicate a list of emotions by touching a blindfolded stranger. The participants were able to communicate eight distinct emotions, from gratitude to disgust to love, some with about 70 percent accuracy. “We used to think that touch only served to intensify communicated emotions,” Dr. Hertenstein said. Now it turns out to be “a much more differentiated signaling system than we had imagined.” To see whether a rich vocabulary of supportive touch is in fact related to performance, scientists at Berkeley recently analyzed interactions in one of the most physically expressive arenas on earth: professional basketball. Michael W. Kraus led a research team that coded every bump, hug and high five in a single game played by each team in the National Basketball Association early last season. In a paper due out this year in the journal Emotion, Mr. Kraus and his co-authors, Cassy Huang and Dr. Keltner, report that with a few exceptions, good teams tended to be touchier than bad ones. The most touch-bonded teams were the Boston Celtics and the Los Angeles Lakers, currently two of the league’s top teams; at the bottom were the mediocre Sacramento Kings and Charlotte Bobcats. The same was true, more or less, for players. The touchiest player was Kevin Garnett, the Celtics’ star big man, followed by star forwards Chris Bosh of the Toronto Raptors and Carlos Boozer of the Utah Jazz. “Within 600 milliseconds of shooting a free throw, Garnett has reached out and touched four guys,” Dr. Keltner said. To correct for the possibility that the better teams touch more often simply because they are winning, the researchers rated performance based not on points or victories but on a sophisticated measure of how efficiently players and teams managed the ball — their ratio of assists to giveaways, for example. And even after the high expectations surrounding the more talented teams were taken into account, the correlation persisted. Players who made contact with teammates most consistently and longest tended to rate highest on measures of performance, and the teams with those players seemed to get the most out of their talent. The study fell short of showing that touch caused the better performance, Dr. Kraus acknowledged. “We still have to test this in a controlled lab environment,” he said. If a high five or an equivalent can in fact enhance performance, on the field or in the office, that may be because it reduces stress. A warm touch seems to set off the release of oxytocin, a hormone that helps create a sensation of trust, and to reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol. In the brain, prefrontal areas, which help regulate emotion, can relax, freeing them for another of their primary purposes: problem solving. In effect, the body interprets a supportive touch as “I’ll share the load.” “We think that humans build relationships precisely for this reason, to distribute problem solving across brains,” said James A. Coan, a a psychologist at the University of Virginia. “We are wired to literally share the processing load, and this is the signal we’re getting when we receive support through touch.” The same is certainly true of partnerships, and especially the romantic kind, psychologists say. In a recent experiment, researchers led by Christopher Oveis of Harvard conducted five-minute interviews with 69 couples, prompting each pair to discuss difficult periods in their relationship. The investigators scored the frequency and length of touching that each couple, seated side by side, engaged in. In an interview, Dr. Oveis said that the results were preliminary. “But it looks so far like the couples who touch more are reporting more satisfaction in the relationship,” he said. Again, it’s not clear which came first, the touching or the satisfaction. But in romantic relationships, one has been known to lead to the other. Or at least, so the anecdotal evidence suggests.

Original: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/23/health/23mind.html